So far in this series on forgiveness we have dealt with practicing forgiveness in two situations. The first being towards some one who has hurt us, and when we sought forgiveness they responded positively and the situation was resolved.
Secondly, we looked at how to deal with forgiveness towards some one who has died. We saw that how applying God’s Word to our hearts we can come out at a place of victory. Today we will look at how to deal with a situation where the other party refuses to forgive. But, before we do that, I would like to share the following.
CHRISTIANITY IS RELATIONSHIP – NOT RELIGION AND RITUALS.
As I shared in the previous article, God’s Word is not some magical formula; it is a lifestyle. Thinking that we can simply do something once and then it will “stay done” is a fallacy. We need to keep on doing the Word, applying it daily to our lives, until it becomes a part of us. Seeking God and desiring to live daily in His presence is key to successful living. Again the key here is doing the Word with your heavenly Father’s guidance which He so freely gives us by His Holy Spirit. Do not just recite the scripture in a rote fashion. This is like a repetitive, ritualistic repertoire and is absolutely abhorrent to the Lord. See what Jesus said in Matthew 6:7, “… do not use vain repetitive prayers…”
Even the prayer that Jesus gives us from Matthew 6:9 (commonly known as the Lord’s Prayer) is not meant to be recited in this fashion. Jesus gave us an outline; we are to expand on it in our own personal daily time with the Father as He leads us by the Holy Spirit. More on prayer in later articles. Please read my article on The Father Heart of God http://thechurchinthefathersheart.info/the-father-heart-of-god/
Many preachers quote John 8:32 saying that you will know the truth (God’s Word) and the truth will set you free. WRONG!!! Many people build up an arsenal of scripture that they “know” and quote, get no where and then become angry at God. I just pray that these so called men of God would get their act together and stop misleading thousands of God’s children. What Jesus actually said begins in verse 31. Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. THEN you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Can you see the difference, and why misquoting Jesus gets so many into trouble? Too many “Christians” believe too easily what they hear without knowing what the Word actually says.
The scriptures say that we are to meditate on the Word day and night. Meditate means to ponder, mull over, muse, deliberate, chew over, reflect on and actually digest and allow the word to become a part of your being. Then you ask the Holy Spirit to help you apply the word to your life; you begin to do it, live it out daily. THEN you will be set free by the word that has become a very part of you.
James says in chapter 1; 22 – 25, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it – he will be blessed in what he does.”
The Word says that your enemy, the devil, goes around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. The only time he can devour you is when you are “not living the Word.” Devour means to ensnare you into falling short of God’s best for your life and bring you into that downward spiral of hopelessness and despair. Do not give him a foothold in your life. Live daily in the presence of God, communing with Him and doing His Word in the power of the Holy Spirit. Let’s get on to today’s discussion.
How do you deal with unforgiving people?
Firstly, you need to read the first two articles on Unforgiveness in order to understand the Biblical background concerning forgiveness. The scriptures shared in those two articles form the basis of this teaching and I will build upon that foundation. One thing that I will repeat, because it is so fundamental to the whole issue of forgiveness, is that both parties in any situation are guilty of sin until they seek reconciliation. No matter that you were the victim of gossip, slander or even some fabricated story, you are held in bondage until you have attempted to “make right.”
One key factor in true forgiveness is that there will always be reconciliation. If you say to some one that you forgive them but thereafter try to avoid contact, or even to start working at rebuilding a relationship, then you have not truly forgiven from your heart. You are still holding onto some hurt or bitterness. You need to go back to the Lord and ask Him to give you grace to truly forgive and to put a love in your heart for that person. Maybe you don’t want to do this, well ask the Lord to give you the desire to be able to love that person. It is possible, if you really want to do it. Most people don’t really want to do this as it is, or so they think, easier to just continue to ignore the situation hoping it will go away. I have bad news for those people; it never does go away. It gets worse and begins to fester; then turns into bitterness; before you realize it you are in a downward spiral which could end up in depression and worse. Unless the Word of God is applied fully to any situation it never gets better. Period.
The problem with most people in this kind of situation is that, although they say they have forgiven, they keep on talking bad about the one they are supposed to have forgiven. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Let me share with you how God your Heavenly Father deals with you when you come to Him asking for forgiveness, and from time to time we all need to. We are not yet perfect and still miss the mark almost daily.
When you have sinned and you go to your Heavenly Father, His Word is very clear. In 1 John 1: 8-9 we read, “If we claim to be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
Furthermore your Heavenly Father declares that he will remove your sins from you as far as the east is from the west. Do you grasp that! If He had said as far as the north is from the south then you can travel in either direction and arrive at either the north or south pole. But if you travel from east to west you will never arrive at “the west” and vice versa. Think about that. Your sins are gone. In other words missing; forgotten.
God also says that he buries your sins in the bottom of the ocean and forgets them. If you bring up the same subject again he says, “I don’t know what you are talking about! I don’t remember that.” Isn’t that wonderful? You see God is a loving Heavenly Father and doesn’t want to keep you in bondage; rather He wants you to be free.
He, God, never talks bad about you. In fact He has nothing but good thoughts towards you and encouraging words to say about you. And that, dear hurt one, is how we are supposed to deal with those who have hurt us. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Does that sound like some one who wants to punish you by keeping you in bondage? No! His people were in bondage in Babylon
So then, before you attempt to go and make right, and you really do need to, make sure that your heart is right. Only when you have set your heart right with God’s help, and only then, should you go in an attitude of love and ask forgiveness. Remember now how God dealt with your sins, so when you go you cannot raise the issue that caused your hurt. You have forgiven them and cast their sin into the bottom of the ocean and remember them no more.
Now you simply ask the person to forgive you because you had picked up a bad attitude towards them. Most times, if your attitude truly is one of forgiveness and love, the person will respond positively and the situation will be resolved. They may even respond by confessing their sin and ask your forgiveness. Now you are in a victorious position because you have already forgiven them and you can say from your heart, “Yes I do.” That relationship is now on a positive course towards restoration and reconciliation. And this, all because you first applied God’s Word to your heart and allowed the Holy Spirit to do a deep cleansing work in you. Glory!
Now for the “problem” that arises when the other party does not want to forgive you. NO PROBLEM! Re-read the previous two paragraphs. You have, with God’s help, worked through the issue and have come out victorious.
Now you need to be careful because if they have a bad attitude towards you it can be easy to retaliate. All you need say is, “That’s fine. I have peace in my heart about the situation and trust that some day you will to.” Leave it at that and walk away. As you go, thank God for helping you maintain a good loving attitude and ask your Heavenly Father to bless them. WHAT?
That’s right, bless them. Jesus said, “…pray for those who persecute you,” read Matthew 5:43 – 48. Paul writes in Romans 12:14, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” And in verse 21, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Once you have set your heart right, and keep it right by continually going before the Lord and blessing that person, it will become easier to live with the unresolved situation. The other party may even continue to say and do hurtful things but when your heart is right you will be more than able to cope with the situation; you will have victory. And you will be able to walk in continuous forgiveness.
It is at this point that you can, with the help of the Holy Spirit, consolidate your victory or you can succumb to the craftiness of the devil. You see, your enemy is going to bring subtle little doubts into your mind and try to deceive you into thinking that you have not succeeded in truly forgiving. He will keep on reminding you of how deeply you were hurt. It does not matter what the hurt was. And, if it was caused by your spouse, your parents or anyone with whom you have regular contact then the battle becomes more intense.
Remember this one thing. The Word of God declares that Satan is a liar, the father of lies, and he has come to kill, steal and destroy. Every thought that is contrary to God’s Word is a lie and has its origin with the devil. You may feel unworthy, unloved or too weak to stand against these attacks but I want you to know this:
- God loves you.
- He has given you His Son the Lord Jesus Christ whose shed blood paid the price for your sin.
- Your Heavenly Father has given you His infallible Word.
- He has given you His Holy Spirit to empower you to be able to stand in victory.
- Yes, you are weak but the battle is not yours it is the Lords. You need only to trust and Him and walk in obedience to His Word.
- Satan is already defeated. The Lord Jesus Christ accomplished that through His death on the Cross and His resurrection.
- Satan’s only weapons against you are lies and deception.
- God’s Word is Truth and it will always accomplish what the Father desires.
- You are more than a conqueror through Jesus Christ your Lord.
- You are the apple of His eye.
- God loves you.
Submit all the wrong thoughts to your Heavenly Father, His Word says to cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you. And then turn your thoughts towards Him. Think about His love, His goodness, His mercy and His grace. Tell Him how much you love Him. Thank Him for all that He is doing in your life. In other words – Worship Him.
I leave you with one last passage of God’s Word. Philippians 4:8 – 9 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received from me – put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Read Chapter 4 from verse one to seven as well.
Please contact me at the address below and let me know how you are doing. Should you need more help, I will gladly correspond with you.
With much love,
Jack Viljoen.
The Church in the father’s Heart.
http://thechurchinthefathersheart.info
jackviljoen@gmail.com
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